If I Could Be Where You Are
by Little Miss Sorrow
Summary: Realising, Wishing, Having. A Mac and Stella story


Disclaimed: This belongs to CBS (hmm, I'm starting to get good at this little speach)

A/N: again I am going to say I've never in my life writtine this much in such a few days. As I do not have any friends that are remotly intrested in Fanfictions I have no beta and have to post without anyone elses comments but my own. I like this, but then again, I can't be objective can I? With high hops of you likeing this I ask you to perhaps lend me a word of advise.

ps. I'm sorry if my ratings are a bit confusing, ignor them, I can't for the life of me understand what rating I should use. What 9 year old reads fanficion anyway?

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**If I Could Be Where You Are  
**_by: La Suede_

Where are you this moment?  
only in my dreams.  
You're missing, but you're always  
a heartbeat from me.  
I'm lost now without you,  
I don't know where you are.  
I keep watching, I keep hoping,  
but time keeps us apart

If I could be where you are – Enya

At one point in our history together I started realise this things. First I noticed your eyes. They were this amazing blue colour they could completely captivate me. Then I noticed your hands, fin hands with the ability to perform miracles in a lab. The it was your voice. Deep, slightly raspy and the essence of sexiness. Then it was the new feeling, that oh so familiar yet so strange feeling of love, something I never thought I'd feel for you.

I'm watching you from afar completely captivated by the way you move, lost in how you curve your body when looking down a microscope. You are the most beautiful man I've ever seen. But you are also my closest friend, and to cross the line of friendship is yet too intimidating for me. It is somewhat painful to be so close to you that I can touch you, both literally and figural speaking. In some ways you are so far away that I can barely see you and in next moment you are right beside me. It's hard when your not with me, but it's even harder when you are right next to me – bittersweet as it is, your closeness makes my heart both swell and break.

You are always there for me, to let me know that I am loved in the way that suites me, to let me know that if I ever fall you will catch me. But you can never completely love me, because you don't even know in what way I love you. You think my subtle guests are those of a close friendship. But in every touch, in every word I'm trying to make you see that my devotion to you is so much deeper and more intense than just the care of a friend. It's the care of a woman lost in the deep sea of love, the one that won't resurface again until the love is returned.

And though I refuse to give up one us ever to bee, my hope falters and diminish with every passing day and year. I thought all my attempts had been in vane when you suddenly were heading out on a date. My heart broke so wildly I thought you could hear it fall shattered to the ground. But ever the strong one, I kept a smile on my face, I congratulated you and asked who the lucky woman was. In my mind I already hate her, before I even knew her name.

Then when nothing seemed to come out of that date, no mysterious phone calls in the middle of the day and no early escapes from the office. My heart mysteriously picked itself up from the floor and mended in a heartbeat. I think you noticed the new bounce in my steps, you commented on it once, asking tentatively if I had meet someone. I just shrugged and asked if a girl couldn't just be happy? I think you looked relieved, but that could have been my overactive imagination, or my hearts wishful longing of been given a second chance.

From then onwards I decided to pursue a new lead. I decided, how ever much it pained me, that you were not a man to notice the subtle clues. Which is surprisingly given your occupation. Screw the awkwardness, I asked you straight out if there was ever a chance for me. I think my boldness surprised you, and had it not been my heart on the line, I would have laughed at the expressions flowing over your face. But when you made no attempt at telling me there was in fact a chance for me, I did the only thing I knew, I fled.

I made it all the way back to my flat before my emotions got the best of me and I flung a vase at the closed door. I could clearly see now that the flicker of hope in your eyes mere days ago was nothing more than my imagination running high and I scold myself for abandoning reason and following my heart.

I cried that night, for maybe the first time in years. And to my own astonishment I did not feel weak, I felt stronger and more poised than ever. I did, however, dread to go back to the lab in the morning and again, for the first time in years, I was late. When I an hour late sneaked into the locker room I saw you sitting there waiting for me. I almost did a U-turn out of there again but you had already seen me so there was no use. Awkwardly you stood up and walked towards me, I held my breath, I knew this was the moment of truth. Would our friendship survive my irrational declaration the previous day or was it doomed to fail or would it, dare I hope, develop as I wish?.

You brush my hair aside and whisper in my ear: "You left before I had the chance to reply".

My heart races of your nearness, and I can feel a deep blush creeping up my neck.

But you continue: "For me, there's only you"

And then you kiss me, sweet and with emotions withheld for years.

_Fini_


End file.
